i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
