even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
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