dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
