Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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