I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
