Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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