Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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