...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
