just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
