and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
