I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
