I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
