Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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