This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Randomize
