Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Randomize
