it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
