would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
