We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
