So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
