Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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