I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
