Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
