its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
