The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
