Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
