went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
