I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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