whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Randomize
