dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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