We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
