He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
