We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize