well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I have aggressive nipples.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
