omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
