you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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