Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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