I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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