i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
