He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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