I bet he comes in French.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
