This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
