So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
