Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
