I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
