Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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