it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
