i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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