Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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