When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
