Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You can't just leave with hair like that
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
