Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
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