What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
