It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
It's official drugs can't kill me
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
