Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
