Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
