I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Randomize
